What's wrong with Iowa?

(NOTE: Originally posted Oct. 2007 in my Facebook notes. Indicative of my writing style/attitude at that time. Came across it today and found it relevant, in light of the Bloom fiasco.)

Being from Iowa, and being young, I’m often asked two questions that, when asked together, seem ridiculous. They are:

1) Why is there such a brain drain (i.e. smart people leaving the state), and what can we do to stop it?
2) What the hell are you still doing here?/Why did you move back?/You’re from Iowa?

Interesting, if enigmatic.

I believe these two questions answer themselves. I’m not sure if it’s technically a catch-22, but it’s most assuredly a chicken-before-the-egg scenario: You should leave to get better employment, but you should stay so we have better employees.

Most kids growing up in my generation, if their parents had the good fortune to actually choose to live in Iowa, were likely indoctrinated into this kind of hypocritical thought process (Go to the bigger cities for better jobs, better quality of life, etc.). Then these kids get to be my age and are asked, “Why are you leaving?”

There’s talk of incentives; higher incomes, more large employers locating in Iowa, promoting our quality of life in the rural/small town areas. Sen. Bill Dotzler even told me of an idea floating around Iowa Senate committees involving some type of incentive for an increase in arts and cultural centers and activities; the idea sprung from a book hypothesis arguing businesses are attracted to vibrant, hip communities.

Without attacking or disproving any of these notions (and many of them, arguably, could improve Iowa life), it’s not the exterior we need to worry about changing to get people to stop leaving and start arriving. To the extent I sound like a certain politician, we need to win hearts and minds. And we don’t just need to worry about changing people’s attitudes outside our state (which would be a much more difficult, if not impossible, task). We need to change the minds of our children growing up today who are going to our schools, enjoying our museums and parks and community pools --- who are all the while being told that to get ahead in life, they need to get the hell out of the Midwest.

If there’s one amazing thing I learned from talking to people from all over the world at RAGBRAI, it’s that people say the exact same thing about us when they come here: “Iowans are so friendly.” If the economic director or tourism bureau wants a catchphrase, get a picture of some athletic cyclists riding by Iowa yards, where Iowans sit in their lawn chairs, smiling and waving as they ride by, and blow that phrase up and plaster it on the top of that photo.

But here’s the thing: You can’t escape who you are. It took me a while to face the fact that most of Iowa truly is like the stereotype: full of small, farming towns with a lot of church-going white people. If you feel like you’re looking in a mirror when you hear that, you’ll love Iowa. But if you’re not, or prefer to be surrounded by a bit more diversity, there are places like that for you here, too. I live in one of them, Waterloo, and it and several other metropolitan statistical areas in the state cracks the stereotypes – Des Moines, Iowa City, Cedar Rapids, etc. But none are exactly brimming with diversity, or have exceptionally more places to work or things to do than, say, the other 49 states.

The Minneapolis band Atmosphere tries to take on the status quo mindset with “Say Shh.” ('Shh' refers to what you say to those who would criticize your humble roots.) The lyrics extol those who choose to live, or return to, the Midwest, because it’s where your “mom stays”:

“If your playgrounds are clear of stems and syringes, say ‘shh,’ say ‘shh.’
If there’s only one store in your town that sells 12-inchers, say ‘shh,’ say ‘shh.’”

Fair enough. We don’t have abundant sex stores or rampant drug use (provided, of course, we exclude alcohol, marijuana and methamphetamines). But we also don’t provide a state that proves appealing among the master’s- and doctorate-degree crowd. And the only thing that’s rampant is the flight of that crowd to decidedly-more drug-and-sex-store infested places, if only to get employment opportunities and whatever else they feel will give them a more satisfactory life than Iowa promises.

I don’t blame them. Not one bit. I may live in Iowa today, but if given the chance to move out tomorrow, I wouldn’t think twice about leaving the state that raised me, educated me, provided me with recreational opportunities and allowed me to develop a trust and friendliness with strangers for no other reason than to be polite.

Why, you may ask? Lured by the big-city life, by the endless entertainment possibilities, fine dining, a place where fringe groups are allowed to come out in the open, where I could sport my hippie-wear without being shunned or laughed at?

Nah. I can flip through the Courier any Thursday and find an abundance of live shows, karaoke, poetry slams, sports, recreation and festivals. There’s plenty of restaurants, both find and not-so-fine, that I still haven’t found the time to frequent. And I definitely wear skirts and head wraps on occasion, and my coworkers and friends treat me just the same. Maybe there aren’t too many people willing to flaunt whatever life or style they’ve got going on, but maybe I also haven’t been keeping my eye out for them. Either way, it’s not a dealbreaker, cause I know they’re out there.

My point is, these all exist where I stay. Maybe just not in amounts that are captivating to some.

But if politicians, business owners, venture capitalists and others think all it takes for people to move here is more businesses, they’re wrong. A recent study reported more than 100,000 jobs, especially in high-paying, high-tech fields, will all be up for grabs in the next 10 years – and no one will be around to fill them. Sen. Dotzler says this is already a problem; around the state, approximately 10,000 positions have yet to be filled by qualified employees, a situation he classifies as “alarming.” It’s not a lack of high-paying jobs that’s the problem here.

Which brings me back to question number one. What IS the problem, if not employment? And it also brings me back to the answer that’s most troubling – changing hearts and minds. We can’t just tell our kids that Iowa’s great, because if they’ve been other places, they know they’re great, too.

So here’s the question I at last pose to you: What is it that MAKES Iowa, if not better, than just as good? And what would make you decide to stay?

Iowa Hate: Quick Meme Stephen Bloom

Also, for an extra dose of funny, Raygun does it again.

UPDATE 3:15 p.m. 12/14/11: Same pic, different meme; even better.

Iowa Hate: Professor Stephen Bloom edition

UPDATE 3:30 p.m. 12/13/11: Hey, quit picking on poor Stephen Bloom! He doesn't like all the mean emails calling him names. He wouldn't do that to yoooouuuu.

Also, Raygun continues to be awesome.

Also, check out the Combat Blog, as Dan Brooks says it better than I can. #thnx

Original post:
This one is so hateful, even the Des Moines Register noticed.

When Obama spoke of those clinging to guns and religion, he was talking about the Iowa hamlets that will shape the contours of the GOP contest

Oh. Well. I didn't know we were fightin' dirty right off the bat.

*takes out switchblade*

OK. I'm ready.

The offender: Stephen G. Bloom (oh please, using your middle initial is like putting "esquire" after your name), a professor at the University of Iowa who has been here for 20 years. As any good Iowan knows, not being raised up here makes you an outsider, no matter how many years you've been here.

Wanna know how we came up with that logic? Because, no matter how many years you're here, you're still likely, at any time, to spew horse manure the likes of what you'll see from Bloom.

The offense: The entire article linked above. Really, if you wanna go read the whole bloated, rambling piece of what passes for "commentary" over at The (We Should Really Know Better) Atlantic, bastion of East Coast snobbery, and you've got about 20 minutes and a desire to be filled with rage and SMH giggle fits, be my guest. It's hideous. A snippet:

Those who stay in rural Iowa are often the elderly waiting to die, those too timid (or lacking in educated[sic]) to peer around the bend for better opportunities, an assortment of waste-toids and meth addicts with pale skin and rotted teeth, or those who quixotically believe, like Little Orphan Annie, that "The sun'll come out tomorrow."

It's no surprise then, really, that the most popular place for suicide in America isn't New York or Los Angeles, but the rural Middle, where guns, unemployment, alcoholism and machismo reign. 

Ho. Lee. Mackrel.

I mean, where to start, Prof. Bloom? In an article that, according to your wording, attempts to "explain to the geographically challenged a little about Iowa" (which, by the way, even geography nerds might not know about the geopolitical* challenges), you instead choose to cut down, rearrange and conveniently stereotype every part of your "adopted state."

*(word choice you actually meant)

The giggle fits come when he talks about things that, actually (OK, I've pointed out before that I am not a farmer,) can't really be true. When you walk by corn fields, you hear popping? Can anyone else verify this? (UPDATE: Corn does not pop.) Or was this just BB guns aimed at the holier-than-thou Bloom, who also claims that everyone asks if his dog (presumably, a lab) is a good hunting dog. Which, fair question, Bloom. Is he? Because if he is, he'd probably be happier running around sniffing out pheasants than locked up in your Iowa City abode all day listening to the Brahms you left on for him while you're teaching your courses.

What, I'm being unfair? I don't even know the dude? OK. But it's pretty clear he doesn't know me, either. More than once, he calls out my own damn hometown -- once as a "scuzzy river town" and another time, oddly, to make fun of its name. Its damn NAME. So, yeah. Gloves off.

Reached for response by the Register, Bloom is unapologetic.

For his part, Bloom, a visiting professor this fall at the University of Michigan, said that he’s merely engaged in unflinching journalism with foresight, similar to his 2000 book, “Postville.”

“I mention some uncomfortable truths in the story, some unconventional truths,” he said. “Maybe people are not accustomed to reading those kinds of things.”

Maybe Bloom is unaccustomed to having the entire populace of a state he's just unabashedly bashed ream him out. Did he not think we would? Cause we're all just a bunch of elderly, methed-out farmers who aren't actually representative of America?

Or maybe, Professor Bloom, it's because when people read lies, they want to call the person who is spreading such lies out. Lies like "Iowa sucks super hard, who wants to go there/let them pick a president in the caucuses/have anything to do with them? Amirite?" Because that's all East Coasters need, is another reason not to care/invest in us/move here. And that's all former Iowans need, is a reason to convince themselves not to come back here/bring their families back here.

And that's all we Iowans need, is yet another doucher telling us who we are, why we can't achieve and how depressing that all is.

I especially like blogger Rebecca McKanna's take on it:

Does my state have problems? Yes, it does. It has serious economic issues that need to be addressed and which your article suggests no solutions for. Does my state include some red necks and uber-Christians and people who think Michele Bachmann is swell? Yes. But my state also includes millionaires, Pulitzer prize winning authors, social activists, feminists, drag queens and many other types of people.

But hey, why bother with nuance? The Atlantic pays the same for slipshod journalism.